saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
