i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Bring me that man meat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
