This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
