Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
