I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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