Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
