if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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