i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
