Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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