I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
