Who did Billy Mays play for?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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