I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
