im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
