I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
