I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
