You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
