So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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