Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
