I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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