dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
