are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
