Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
