How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
