So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
