Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
