i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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