I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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