He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
