Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
