It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
