You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
