Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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