babies were throwing up all over the place
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
