she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
