he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
