Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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