oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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