hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
