Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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