i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
