If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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