6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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