Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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