I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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