Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
