Betty ford says i'm here all night
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
