someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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