i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
