i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
