Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
