Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
