please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
