This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
