Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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